Stupid Crap Female Rock Musicians Have to Deal With
“Girls like you make terrible mothers..."
“What’s wrong with you? Are you on drugs?”
“You should at least do your nails.”
“Whoa, you play good for girls.”
“You’re too loud.”
This is some of the stupidity Crucified Barbara put up with during their 18 years in action. Every girl who wants to learn electric guitar and every woman who goes out and plays loud music probably hears variations on this nonsense. Mostly from dickhead guys, of course.
The band collected some of the dumb stuff they heard and wrote songs about it. My favorite: “I Sell My Kids for Rock and Roll.” Apparently, the irony was lost on some people, so the result was that the band caught even more flak. (“Alert! Female rock band caught selling their kids on eBay! Aaaach!”)
Want to know a little secret? Guys who react like this are just wanna-be rock stars who can’t deal with women kicking ass. And when lead singer Mia Coldheart gleefully sang in that raspy voice about these losers, whoo-hoo, it really triggered them!
The good news is that the morons were a small minority, and Crucified Barbara had a large and loyal fan base of both men and women. The band formed in 1998, released four full albums and several singles, toured extensively and disbanded in 2016. At their peak, they played to huge crowds at rock festivals in England and Europe.
Me? I discovered them just after they broke up. No American labels or promoters would have anything to do with them, so they got almost no coverage here. They only did one tour of North America, on a double bill with another “girl band.”
One might assume they were ignored because they were not American, but consider that Americans Suzi Quatro and Chrissie Hynde had to go to Europe to find willing promoters, and Joan Jett had to found her own damn label. No, the supposed land of “woke” still seems unable to wrap its head around female rock stars. Instead, we get pop singers twerking and performing musical pap written for them by corporate committees.
Missing Crucified Barbara is one of my great regrets because they’re one of the best and most fun rock groups I’ve ever heard.
Bandmembers:
Mia Coldheart (Mia Karlsson) — lead guitar (1998–2016), lead vocals (2003–2016)
Klara Force (Klara Rönnqvist Fors) — rhythm guitar, backing vocals (1998–2016)
Ida Evileye (Ida Stenbacka) — bass, backing vocals (1998–2016)
Nicki Wicked (Jannicke Lindström) — drums, backing vocals (1998–2016)
Karlsson is a flat-out take-no-prisoners rock star, with a voice somewhere between Ronnie James Dio and Kim Carnes, and savage guitar chops to boot. The others are ace musicians, and they have great chemistry as a band. Since they broke up, Karlsson has gone down a completely different path, mainly playing acoustic guitar and doing soft-rock collaborations. I wish her the best, but I will always regret not catching Crucified Barbara in full burn-down-the-house mode.
For this post, I picked two of the last things they recorded. I have another post in the works featuring a live concert video that is…well, you’ll see.
“I Sell My Kids for Rock and Roll” (2014)
Hilarious and to the point. For me, make or break is always about the playing, and they deliver.
You say I’m good for being a girl
Not sure I’m in it for real
For years I proved you wrong
Then you say I’m getting too old
Can’t hear you now
I’m sorry, we’re playing too loud
I sell my kids for rock n’ roll
Sex, late nights and alcohol
What a dirty woman
You think it’s true, don’t you
Think about it one more time
I’m just a player in a band
That’s what I do
Living the dream, not you
You wonder how we get along
Find the time to write any songs
You think we’re busy painting our nails
And all the things we girls gotta do
Can’t hear you now
I’m sorry, we’re playing too loud
I sell my kids for rock n’ roll
Sex, late nights and alcohol
What a dirty woman
You think it’s true you don’t you
I’m just a player in a band
Think about it one more time
Think about it one more time
I’m just a player in a band
That’s s what I do
Living the dream, not you
“Electric Sky” (Live, 2014, from their album “In the Red”)
They performed this at a charity event to raise money for efforts to slow the spread of HIV. They were in great form, but it would be one of their last public performances as a band. The song has echoes of Guns ‘N Roses at their best.
This happens in many areas where Women are proving to be entertaining and skilful. It happens in sport. Where the back stop from a few Men is that women are not as s strong as men and will always lose in a team or one to one with men. Well talk about missing the point. Entertainment and skill is not always who can hit the strongest hardest serve or hit the ball further or harder.
In music it becomes harder to make out that Men are better. My favourite bands right now. In fact my top four, two are all female bands and the other two have female lead vocalists. It is always sad that some people have to try and make some sort of point to boost their failing ego.
I love tennis and football and cricket and love the female versions. I love music rock, pop, classical and love the female bands and singers and players. Now then all those men who have a problem. Get back to the pub and enjoy the loneliness. Without female participation in rock music. The World would be a much sadder place.
I was in that other girl band that toured America.